The Adventures of Captain Obvious
by Moofin Queen
Summary: Legolas Greenleaf: mild-mannered Elvish princeling by day, the brave superhero Captain Obvious by night.
1. Default Chapter

Halluuu, everyone! This is my first story, and I hope it isn't _too _stupid... Anywho, please r&r!

Disclaimer: I do not own Legolas, nor anything else remotely related to anything written by Tolkien, nor anything in any Lord of the Rings movies. I don't even own the idea of Captain Obvious. What do I own? My Gimli mug. And that's about it...

One day, mild-mannered Elven princeling Legolas Greenleaf was summoned to meet with his father, the King of Mirkwood. He strode purposefully to his father's lavish throne room, wondering what was going on. If this was about the mysterious loss of the palace's stash of fine wine (which only disappeared on nights that /he/ was guarding it, and he would be found unconscious by the guards, strangely with no memory of the events of the night before), that had already been taken care of. Obviously, some Dwarf kept sneaking in on nights when the Elven prince was guarding the wine, knock him out, and drink an entire barrel.  
  
Legolas walked into his father's lush throne room, decorated with rich tapestries depicting great battles of old. He paused momentarily when he reached his favorite: one showing himself slaying thousands of orcs, all without getting the slightest bit dirty. Which great battle of old was this? None. But you have to admit, he DID look good in fabric...  
  
"Ah, you have made it, my son," King Thranduil greeting Legolas, standing up and inviting his favorite son to have a seat and a drink. "There are matters of great importance that I wish to discuss with you."  
  
"So, that is why you have summoned me," Legolas replied, instantly regretting such a display of his powers of obvious-ness. Save it for superhero time, you ninny, he thought.  
  
His father seemed not to notice, being so accustomed to such statements from his son. "Yes. Do you remember the strange prisoner, Gollum?"  
  
"The strange beast that mutters constantly and makes this strange noise that sounds somewhat like 'gollum'? Yes, what of it?" Legolas asked, figuring that it wouldn't matter so much if he let a few things slip around his father, who was getting old, even by elvish standards. He concluded that King Thranduil wouldn't connect his overly-obvious son and the great Captain Obvious.  
  
"Well, he escaped last night, and we can't find him anywhere," King Thranduil said, shaking his head slightly. "If only Captain Obvious had been there. He would have been able to save the unfortunate guards..."  
  
Legolas shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Last night had been his night to guard the wine barrels, and, like every other time, he had been found unconscious with an entire barrel gone. Best to change the subject. "That's too bad. What do you want me to do about?"  
  
"I would like you to travel to Imladris, and tell Lord Elrond of these and other strange events," the King replied. "I fear that this does not bode well for Middle-Earth. Mayhap you will meet Mithrandir there as well; he was rather interested in the fate of Gollum."  
  
"Very well, father," Legolas replied. "I shall go at once." 


	2. Lost In Imladris

The ride to Imladris was uneventful, yet long, for Legolas would oft let slip a statement of obvious-ness. One or two such statements aren't so bad, but when you're stopping every five minutes to say something like: "the grass sure is green" or "that squirrel is eating nuts!" you can really burn some daylight.  
  
As it was, the Elven Prince arrived at the Last Homely House before the Second Coming, and so he considered it rather timely. He sought out Lord Elrond, but was constantly being led astray by bad directions, obviously a plot against him. Someone here knew his true identity, and was trying to keep him from his quest. That, or perhaps it was the Elf's complete lack of a sense of direction. But the latter possibility never crossed Legolas' mind.  
  
After spending a few days lost in Imladris, Legolas finally found Lord Elrond. "Suilad, Lord Elrond," the considerably paler and gaunter Elf greeted, standing up tall. "I am Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood. My father, King Thranduil, has some disturbing news for you." Legolas explained the matter concerning Gollum. Once he had finished recounting his tale, he examined Lord Elrond's reaction. Elrond's expression was grim, and he stroked his beardless chin in thought.  
  
"This is grave news," Elrond said after a time. "And I fear it will have a severe impact on other matters."  
  
"Other matters?" Legolas asked, curious.  
  
"Yes," Lord Elrond replied. "But I will not reveal them to you yet. I ask you to come to a secret council meeting tomorrow. You will tell your story there, and perhaps learn more than you wished."  
  
"What do you mean?" the Elven prince asked, but Elrond raised his hand dismissively.  
  
"Tomorrow," he said simply, and ushered the questioning Legolas out the door.  
  
"That was strange," Legolas remarked. "I wonder what it is that he wouldn't tell me." He glanced around, and remembered that he was still lost. "If I'm not mistaken, the council will take place in the Council Room," he said. It was then that he saw the sign on the door across the hall. Fine gold script said in Elvish: Council Room. "Ah ha!" Legolas exclaimed. "I do believe that the secret council will take place in there, for it is the Council Room." He grinned, satisfied with his logic.  
  
However, that still left him with the problem of finding his quarters, and then finding this place all over again. Finally, he decided that to avoid being lost, he would simply sleep in the Council Room. Then he would not be late. This decided, the Elf went into the Council Room, and lay down on a bench. It wasn't long before the exhausted Elf was sound asleep in the Council Room. 


	3. Attack of the Gnomes

"No way. _You_ want to know who he is. _You _wake him up."

"Fine. I will."

Legolas slowly drifted back to the waking world, drawn back as he felt someone poking his shoulder. He rolled over, and subsequently fell off the bench he had been sleeping on. He sat up with a groan, and looked over at his visitors. They were unlike anything he'd ever seen; they were shorter than Dwarves, with mops of curly hair and large, hairy feet. Obviously, they were garden gnomes that had somehow come to life. And everyone knows garden gnomes are symbolically evil.

As quickly as molasses in January, Legolas drew his hunting knife and leapt to his feet. "What are such creatures as you doing here, in Imladris? I thought evil was banned from this place!"

The pair of gnomes shrank back when they saw the dagger. "I'm Merry Brandybuck, and this is Pippin Took, my kinsman," the taller gnome said, his voice tinged with a hint of fear.

"And we're not evil," the other gnome, Pippin, spoke up. He was silenced by a glance from the gnome called Merry.

"Yeah, we're not. We came with Frodo and Strider, and Lord Elrond said he'd let us stay here for the time being," said Merry. "So, uh, please don't kill us."

"If you have won the trust of Lord Elrond, then I shall tolerate your presence. For now." Legolas sheathed his knife, but didn't relax his guard. These gnomes were clearly up to something, and Legolas knew it wasn't anything good. He would have to keep an eye on these gnomes.

"Thanks," Pippin said, offering an amiable grin which the Elf did not return. "So… why were you sleeping on a bench? Has Lord Elrond run out of beds?"

"Hardly," Mirkwood's prince replied with a derisive snort. "But I was given faulty directions, so I do not know where they are."

"Oh. Okay," the gnome replied. "So, you hungry? Merry and I were just going to get something to eat."

Legolas paused, wondering if he could trust these two gnomes. He was hungry, but he didn't fancy dying because some gnome poisoned his wine. Such a death wouldn't look at all well in the archives. He surveyed the gnomes once more. They didn't seem like the brightest the foul gnome empire had to offer, and he was rather hungry…

"All right. Lead on, little gnomes," Legolas said.

"Little what?" Merry exclaimed. "We're Hobbits, not gnomes. Gnomes are creepy statues that hang out in gardens."

"Of course they are," Legolas patronized, letting the gnomes think they had fooled him. Hobbits? What sort of creature would take the name 'Hobbit'? With a sigh of resignation and a hidden eyeroll, the gnome called Merry led Mirkwood's prince to the kitchens.


End file.
